The Social Media New Year's Resolutions We should probably all make

Let's be real: Social media is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to us. It's a great way to keep in touch with people (and occasionally humble brag about how awesome your life is). But it's also a place where Becky* from your high school won't stop oversharing about her life or where Sophie* posts 18 Instagrams in one night. 

The truth is everybody acts a little annoying AF on social media. So before we ring in 2017, we should all consider trying on these resolutions for size. You'll double tap this shit for sure. 

1. I will stop using the Snapchat butterfly filter excessively

Dude, we get it. Everyone looks f*cking amazing with the butterfly crown on. That's the point of it. Shrek could rock the butterfly filter and look like Gigi Hadid. You're not fooling anyone with that faux flawless makeup and gilted crown of butterflies. You're an ugly MF... embrace it. 

2. I will not obsessively check my Instagram likes

Why is getting likes one of the most addictive and amazing feelings in the world?! Don't pretend seeing that little heart count going up isn't one of the best natural highs you've ever had in your life. You love the attention, baby. That's why you posted the damn selfie in the first place. Let's all vow to post and put down the damn phones. Those likes ain't going anywhere. 

3. I will not get into comment wars on Facebook

There are some people who post awful stuff on Facebook, usually to try and start shit because their lives are boring. Worst part is, they're probably quasi-related to you— your mom's 2nd cousin Todd or your sister-in-law's uncle who's wearing a Make America Great Again hat in his profile pic. You will want to comment sometimes. You will want to comment so badly because their moronic post is so infuriating it's physically burning your eyes. Don't do it. Resist. Engaging will only make you feel worse and open you up to so much more toxicity and anger.  

4. I will stop posting TBTs

Oh, you were a cute baby? So was I. So was everyone. The only people who really care about your childhood photos are your parents and yourself. Save it for the family reunion or go back to a time when posting TBTs was cool... about 4 years ago. 

5. I will delete friends on Facebook

No offense to Jenny from my freshman orientation group, but I gotta say goodbye this year. Here's a good rule: If you don't even know them well enough to write a quick Happy Birthday, it's time to purge. 

6. I will stop stalking my crush

You know those nights that start with a glass of wine and end with you about 152 weeks deep on your crush's Instagram, trying to avoid accidentally hitting like as though you're walking through a damn minefield? Here's an idea: Put the phone down. Stop being a creep. Go on an actual date instead. 

7. I will not Snapchat concert videos

Repeat after me: No one cares about your concert video. You won't even care about your concert video approximately 5 seconds after you post it. It's blurry, way far away, and probably features you warbling a Justin Bieber song like the drunkest girl at karaoke. And not in a good way. 

8. I will stop sharing photos of my food

We. Do. Not. Care. About. Your. Acai. Bowl. 

 

[*Neither name has been changed to protect the effing annoying. You know who you are}