THE GOSS

WEDDING GIFTS YOU’LL ACTUALLY WANT: YOUR NSFW REGISTRY

You've booked your venue, sent your save the dates and you're all signed up for the baller new ((305)) workout plan that will have you feeling fierce AF on your big day. (All the deetz on the perfect plan for our fave BRIDECHILLAS are here!)

Next up: the wedding registry.

Before you shimmy on over to Crate & Barrel, though, think it through: do you really need 16 new wine glasses or a new set of stainless steel pans? We know what you want -- whatcha really REALLY want -- no matter what type of bride you are.

FOR THE GIRLIE BRIDE

It's pink, it's flowery and it's quiet -- this is the perfect vibrator for when you're looking to put the v in the v. If that's not girly enough, though, check out these unicorn dildos -- perfect for all the 90s babes who still miss Lisa Frank.

FOR THE HIPSTER BRIDE

This little silicone genius (created by some seriously awesome babes) is straight out of the latest MoMA catalog -- and it's got some seriously fab reviews to match. Not only that, but it's hands free, so you can switch out that vinyl record (or whatever trend you're vibin') while you're getting your groove on.

FOR THE "I DON'T NEED A VIBRATOR" BRIDE

No actual vibrator required here -- this is a saucy little attachment that fits over whatever electric toothbrush you happen to have lying around. Perfect for the bride who doesn't think she needs a sex toy -- or doesn't want to buy a whole new set of batteries.

FOR THE DISCREET BRIDE

Named after a bada$$ Bond babe, the Vesper is gorgeous AF while also packing in some goood vibrations. The pendant necklace shape -- available in gold or silver -- is chic enough to wear to work and has a discreet button on the side for when you’re ready to get down to, ahem, business.

FOR THE HAPPY COUPLE (BOTH!)

Feeling all lovey-dovey and trying to register for gifts you can both use? Check out this Lelo ring, which is designed to help you both come together -- in more ways than one.

FOR THE ADVENTURESOME BRIDE

It's not a vibrator, but these anal beads would be a sassy addition to any bridechilla’s drawer. Made of hypoallergenic glass, these beads can be run under cool or warm water for an even more ah-mazing sensation.

FOR EVERY BRIDE

A 305 BACHELORETTE PARTY: Bring your whole squad and celebrate with us! You can curate the playlist (yasss Madonna), pick your favorite instructor, and invite up to 30 of your friends. Bonus points if you can get some groosmen to come shake it with ya #GirlsGirlsGirls

OR THE OLD STANDBY: There's one thing that literally. every. bride. wants -- COLD HARD CASH. Weddings ain't cheap, yo.

Don't wanna give straight cash? Why not give a 305 gift card? Deets here.

Are you a bride reading this? Then whatcha waiting for? Time to treat yoself to our 8 week bridal plan. For just $99/week, this is waaaay better than a juice cleanse.